Janice Giffin (asker) Jun 11, 2015:

@fbbest Excellent insight, especially the recall to the amniotic state. Many thanks.

Inter-Tra Jun 11, 2015:

the 'promiscuità' lies in becoming one thing only with the sea. 'melt with, melt into the sea'. As the expression 'the sky melt into the sea'. I read also a sort of transition. An attempt to recall something very physical, ancestral, like the 'liquido amniotico', the amniotic fluid in which the embryo floats.

Giles Watson Jun 11, 2015:

If in doubt, translate what the text actually says ...as my favourite classics master used to tell us. It's always a good place to start ;-)

"Intimate interpenetration" is pretty much what "promiscuità" actually means; the problem is not so much sexual connotations ("with the sea"?) as the tone of the phrase. It's a bit too wordy for the "affluent demographic" you now tell us will be reading this, who will probably have done some real sailing. Hence my second suggestion, in which I've used shorter words in an attempt to capture more of the immediacy of the experience.

Janice Giffin (asker) Jun 10, 2015:

@Giles Good suggestions, thanks! Physical details that call to mind positive images of the sea and tone down the color of the prose;) However, " Intimate interpenetration"? What on earth were you thinking?

Giles Watson Jun 10, 2015:

Purple prose If your affluent enlightened demographic will allow it, you could try to make the passage more immediately physical, but not sexual, with something along the lines of:

The sun beating on your face. Sea spray on your lips. A renewed sense of flow as your mind at last expands into boundless space.

FWIW

Janice Giffin (asker) Jun 10, 2015:

@phil This magazine will be launched this month for an "affluent enlightened demographic" in the words of a potential distributor. The publishers are Italian and the Italian version will be published in coastal Italy, but they want to try out an English version in the US market on the East and West Coasts (San Diego, L.A., Miami, San Francisco). It will be a printed "coffee table" publication (not online) and includes articles about a range of topics (sailing, surf, wave-watching, sand dunes, Polynesian tattooing, conservation and more) all connected with the sea. For this particular phrase, I cannot use anything with a sexual overtone. I welcome your further observations.

philgoddard Jun 10, 2015:

Sorry, I've just noticed you said this is the full context, so I assume there is nothing before and after this. As it's about the return of summer, you could say something like "bask in the sunshine and rediscover the sensual delights of a warm blue sea".

philgoddard Jun 10, 2015:

Who is this magazine for? Is it people who live near the Mediterranean?
Is there any more text before and after this that would give us more of a feel for what they're talking about?
I think this needs radical rewriting - if you stay close to the Italian, it just sounds weird.