Winters used to be cold in England. We, my parents especially, spent them watching the wrestling. The wrestling they watched on their black-and-white television sets on Saturday afternoons represented a brief intrusion of life and colour in their otherwise monochrome lives. Their work overalls were faded, the sofa cover—unchanged for years—was faded, their memories of the people they had been before coming to England were fading too. My parents, their whole generation, treadmilled away the best years of their lives toiling in factories for shoddy paypackets. A life of drudgery, of deformed spines, of chronic arthritis, of severed hands. They bit their lips and put up with the pain. They had no option but to. In their minds they tried to switch off—to ignore the slights of co-workers, not to bridle against the glib cackling of foremen, and, in the case of Indian women, not to fret when they were slapped about by their husbands. Put up with the pain, they told themselves, deal with the pain—the shooting pains up the arms, the corroded hip joints, the back seizures from leaning over sewing machines for too many years, the callused knuckles from handwashing clothes, the rheumy knees from scrubbing the kitchen floor with their husbands' used underpants.
When my parents sat down to watch the wrestling on Saturday afternoons, milky cardamon tea in hand, they wanted to be entertained, they wanted a laugh. But they also wanted the good guy, just for once, to triumph over the bad guy. They wanted the swaggering, braying bully to get his come-uppance. They prayed for the nice guy, lying there on the canvas, trapped in a double-finger interlock or clutching his kidneys in agony, not to submit. If only he could hold out just a bit longer, bear the pain, last the course. If only he did these things, chances were, wrestling being what it was, that he would triumph. It was only a qualified victory, however. You'd see the winner, exhausted, barely able to wave to the crowd. The triumph was mainly one of survival. | 以前,英格兰的冬天很冷,我们都呆在家里看摔跤比赛,我父母特别爱看。在周六的下午,盯着黑白电视机看摔跤比赛,我父母原本单调无聊的生活就有了短暂的调剂和难得的亮色。他们的工作服褪色了,多年未换的沙发套子褪色了,来英格兰之前原有生活的记忆也褪色了。我父母他们那整整一代人都在工厂里消磨掉一生最美好的年华,为挣得一份微薄的工资而劳累。单调而辛苦的工作、畸形的脊椎、慢性关节炎、断掉的双手——这就是他们的生活。他们咬紧牙关,强忍痛苦,别无选择。他们竭力忘记脑中的不快——不用理睬工友的蔑视、也不必强忍工头油腔滑调的饶舌,如果是印度女人,她们不用在挨了丈夫的耳光之后而烦闷不已。他们告诫自己:打落牙齿往肚里吞,忍耐痛苦——哪怕是手臂上的刺痛、坏死的髋关节、长期俯在缝纫机上劳作造成的后背痉挛、手搓衣服变得僵硬的指关节、还是长期用丈夫旧内裤擦洗厨房地板而患上的风湿性膝关节炎。
周六的下午,我父母手棒一杯加奶小豆蔻茶,坐下来看摔跤比赛的时候,他们想要的是娱乐放松,是开怀一笑。但他们也希望好人能够打败坏人,哪怕只赢一次。他们希望那个大喊大叫、傲慢的坏家伙得到报应。他们祈祷着,希望倒在地上、被对手用双手指扣死或痛苦地紧捂着腰部的好人不要低头认输。如果好人能够再坚持一会,那就忍受疼痛,坚持到这一局结束,如果好人能做到这一点,就有可能获胜,因为摔跤本身胜负难料。但这只是选拔赛的胜利而已。获胜选手精疲力尽,几乎没有力气向观众挥手致意。胜利只是存活下来而已。 |